~ by Kemosabe
It’s official: I am now a book author with the release of my new book, The World According to Kemosabe. I did have to let my human take credit for the actual typing-on-the-keyboard part, which is why she is listed as the author, and not me.
No matter—my name is in the title. Ta-da!
In the book, I share stories of life with humans, other dogs, chickens, horses, cats, foxes, and even skunks. There’s also a section of my own observations on the world from my distinctly canine point of view.
But then my human had to step in and wreck my whole vision of the book by adding this enormous section on nutrition. I mean really! She talks about nutrition all day long; could she not leave my little masterpiece of stories and insights alone? Oh no, she had to jump right in, take over, and include the tedious nutrition for canines part including recipes, how to feed for specific health issues, how to feed home-cooked, how to feed raw. Boring. So you are welcome to skip over those parts, and just read the good stuff: the stories and my insights.
Some of the stories I share may make you giggle, or outright laugh or, conversely, make you feel a bit verklempt (my nod to my human’s love of Saturday Night Live, though I have only seen the reruns).
You can also read the stories to your dog, as a kind of Nighttime with Fido, sure to put the canines to sleep in nanoseconds—as long as you don’t try to act out a part you are reading with wild gestures or use different voices for the different characters like my human does. Sheesh, we are trying to relax, not have live theatre in the bedroom.
I wonder…with the arrival of my new book, will I become as famous as Lassie or Rin Tin Tin? Will Hollywood come calling and want to make a movie about me, or better yet, ask me to star in my own movie? I would like to costar with Sandra Bullock, but due to my human’s advancing age maybe Judi Dench would be a better choice. Don’t tell my human I said that.
Maybe I will be invited to be on the Ellen DeGeneres Show or the Late Show with Stephen Colbert, and then maybe get fan letters and have to hire an agent…oh, the possibilities!
For now I will be satisfied being the Big Cheese at the Wellington Florida Dog Park this winter. Big dog, small pond… that works for me.